After 4 years of being SchizophrenicLullaby on deviantart, I'm really starting to regret my screen name. I came up with it when I was a little Gothy McGoth and now when I tell people to check out my deviantart and I have to tell them the url, it's just awkward and weird. I'm really trying to be professional now and take my art a little more seriously, and it sounds the way it is: like something a little high schooler came up with. Besides, I've entered a completely new and completely different chapter of my life, and I'm not that same person I was when I first joined deviantart.

So I'll be cleaning out my gallery and moving deviations over to my other deviantart, [link]

Put me on your dA watch if you still like me. I'll re-fave stuff and re-watch all my people.

Love you guys.

Cass

After a slew of visitors from the Northern region of the country, I am exhausted. Two weeks of hosting and introducing and entertaining and explaining...

...by the end I was on social sensory overload. Since then I've been spending a lot of time by myself, and I LOVE IT. It feels so good to curl up with a book or a sketchpad or some writing paper or a canvas (or most recently, a guitar...) and just go to town without worrying whether or not someone else is enjoying themselves.

It's a great feeling to know that you don't need anybody. Want? Now, that's a different story. But it's nice to know that whether I be with someone or by myself, I'm going to be just fine.

Be kind to me, or treat me mean...I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

A sample of beautiful lyrics paired with beautiful music:

"One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hands of the devil
And you, kept us awake with wolf teeth
Sharing different heartbeats
In one night"

-"Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

WOW.

It's been a crazy Spring Break. Last Sunday my brother and dad arrived, and they just left yesterday at 3 in the morning to beat the Texas big city traffic, i.e. Austin and Dallas. Especially Dallas.

We had a blast while they were down here, and I'm guaranteeing they had a nice little refresher course for what it feels like to not be frozen the moment you set foot outside. We swam in the river, we did glass bottom boat rides, we took pictures and enjoyed San Martian cuisine and watched Unicycle Football and enjoyed many other delights of the area. I think the easiest way for me to remember why I came here is to guide and explain the place to someone who's never been here. It makes me feel really cozy in my little niche.

It was a great week. I've never really been particularly close to my dad or brother, but after this trip, I think we've gained a new rapport for each other. The trip down here was a good chance for us to bond, and we needed it. I've really been digging the whole family thing lately. It's a lot easier to love and appreciate your family when you don't see them everyday.

And to top off the week, Shae and I went to Auditorium Shores for the final day of South by Southwest...(a huge annual music and art festival in Austin, for those unfamiliar with it)...a free and absolutely A M A Z I N G show. We got there during the day, just as Fastball was finishing up. Beach House played next, followed by Cannabinoids featuring Erykah Badu (!!!) It was an outdoor show, so Shae and I had the freedom and security of toking right in the middle of the crowd. Whoo! But the main reason I was there, the reason we even went at all: Explosions in the Sky.

My God. I mean, my God. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life. I laughed. I cried. I hugged strangers. It was beautiful. It was seamless. It was like a dream, and at the same time, far more real than reality. It was like having birth and death simultaneously juxtaposed in your ears and beating up against your heart. And the grand finale: A fireworks show that could rival the likes of the Fourth of July. That's right. Explosions in the sky...both of them. I am not the same person as I was last night before that performance.

I feel so much better. I finally feel inspired. I'm finally ready for my next creativity spurt. And to help it along I've been working on learning guitar and singing more. I've started with Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, and I'll work my way up to maybe writing my own stuff. In the meantime, I'm just happy to be doing something musical. I've always wanted to get into that and expand my horizons, and now I'm finally motivated to. On top of that...I've got a camera!!!! A pretty decent one too. Not professional grade by any means, but it's good enough to take good pictures on, and that is satisfactory in my book.

I am so grateful for everything that's happened this week. I feel new. I feel like my soul has gotten a chiropractic adjestment, and the spine of my spirit is finally back in place, and not causing me any more pain.

To whatever or whoever is responsible for our existence, I am so grateful.

...by the ghost of someone who is still alive.

Dreams, memories, songs, smells, photographs...


It's salt in an open wound. It's throwing gasoline into a flame.



"You melted me
Until I was just right
Then pressed yourself into the liquid
And made an indent
Like a wax coat of arms
Sealing a love letter away from prying eyes,"




WHY am I feeling this NOW???????????